What's in a pronoun?

[wilde_stallyn]

Hey folks. It's been a while since I've posted here. Somehow the longer I go without posting the harder it is to find something worth saying. I would like to promise that I'll post on a regular basis, but I've said that before and not been able to live up to it, so we'll see how it goes, yeah? I am always here though, even when I'm not posting, reading my flist obsessively like any good fandom sheep. Because you all are love.

I've been doing a lot of navelgazing/angsting the last while about my gender identity/presentation. I'm not sure if I've ever really talked about this here, so for those who don't know, I identify as genderqueer, in particular as both a man and a woman. Usually the male and female sides of myself are more or less balanced, but sometimes I go through periods where one is more in the forefront than the other. My gender issues are always in the back of my head, but when, like now, my male side is particularly strong, the gender dysphoria really kicks in and I start obsessing. I really want to talk through some of the stuff that's been going through my head, but it's going to be wibbly, and confused, and it's going to involve explicit discussion of my body and sexuality. I'm sure some of my flist is not interested in reading that, but I don't want to have to keep cutting things and warning for tmi, so I'm going to create a filter for my gender wibbling.

If you're down with the wibbling and the tmi, and you want to read about my gender issues, leave a comment and I'll add you to the filter.

One gender related thing I wanted to talk about outside the filter are my names. Both my real name and my screennames are very obviously marked female. In terms of my screennames I'm a little hesitant to give them up because I've had them for so long, but I really want an androgynous/non-gendered screenname. I haven't decided what I'm changing it to yet (I'm open to suggestions), but keep your eyes open for an upcomming name change. I'm not as uncomfortable with my real name, but I want an androgynous name I can go by when I'm trying to pass as a guy. I refer to the male side of my personality in my head as Damian, but I've recently come to realize that I will never be comfortable with others calling me Damian, because Damian started as a character from a web comic I had planned whose personality was sort of based off of my male half, and even as a guy I will never even remotely resemble my mental image of Damian. Also, I would rather have a name that was completely androgynous. I was thinking Shey or Kai. Do those read as specifically gendered to you guys?

Comments

[starrysummer.livejournal.com]

Hmm... Shey doesn't really read like a name to me. It looks more like "she" with a y on the end...

I do like Kai and don't automatically think of it as either male or female.

[wilde_stallyn.livejournal.com]

That's interesting. I was thinking about it more vocally than as written, so to me it's just an alternate spelling of Shay. Though if I were going to dissect it, it looks more like "hey" with and S in front to me.

(Was this just a opinion-on-name comment, or a opinion-on-name-and-put-me-on-the-filter comment?)

[starrysummer.livejournal.com]

Filter'd be great. :)

[fluffyllama.livejournal.com]

Good to see you back. There's been a lot of people missing lately.

[wilde_stallyn.livejournal.com]

Thanks. I didn't really go anywhere, though. I'm just quiet.

(Was this just a welcome-back comment, or a welcome-back-and-put-me-on-the-filter comment?)

[fluffyllama.livejournal.com]

Oh, filter, please! *is stupid*

[shaychana.livejournal.com]

i would VERY much like to be allowed access to those thoughts of yours. i've always been curious about gender issues, and recently even more so (you might have seen a post about it in my lj).

i'm liking shey, but then i'm probably biased there. :P

[wilde_stallyn.livejournal.com]

;D One of the reasons I decided to spell Shey with an "e" is that I associate Shay very strongly with you.

(I did see your post, but this week was a bit crazy so I didn't get a chance to reply.)

[thysanotus.livejournal.com]

Hey! You've got me intrigued and I'd love to know your thoughts on gender and gender identity.

I like Kai better - I don't instantly assign it male or female. As for Shey - well, I do see that as she with a y on the end as someone up there mentioned.

[greek-amazon.livejournal.com]

Genderqueer posts are fine by meeeeeee~eeeeeeeeeee!
Also, "GenderQueer" would be a good name for a band.

As to the names, I associate the name Kai strongly with males. (I know of lots of male characters named Kai.) and even if I didn't know of these characters, it still seems male, I think probably because it's such a sharp name. (Soundwise.)
Shey on the otherhand strikes me as perfectly androgynous. :)

[wilde_stallyn.livejournal.com]

Unfortunately, if I ever start a band I intend to call it Fourteen Dead Goldfish.

Ok, but would it seem weird to you if you met a girl named Kai? Because there are certain names that while I do tend to associate them with one sex more than the other it's not weird when someone of the other sex has that name (eg. Blair is coded more female for me), in the way that it would seem weird to meet a girl named John. I would be ok with the first case but not the secound.

[greek-amazon.livejournal.com]

It wouldn't seem weird to me, but I'd still associate it with being male. It's just how I think of the name; I think of it as male. Like if it were a french noun, i would have 'le' before it, not 'la'.

I do the same thing with the name "Dana." Every Dana I've ever known, and I've known a few, has been female. Yet I still consider the name itself to be "a male name."

(I definately don't see "Shey" as 'she' with a 'y', though. Probably because I read it as I think it sounds: "Shaay")

[thegiantkiller.livejournal.com]

C'mon, Wayward Gene and the Natural Selection!

[wymsie.livejournal.com]

I'd definitely like to be added to the filter. Gender identity and sexuality are fascinating and I don't believe there can ever be TMI. lol

Somehow the longer I go without posting the harder it is to find something worth saying.

I totally know what you mean. Good to see you about! :D

[mr-twitcher.livejournal.com]

I wouldn't mind reading your views on gender and such. It lets me pretend I'm enlightened and gives me stuff to think about. Shey is a more of a vague name to me, seeing as a friend's sister is named Kai... At least I think that's what he's saying.

[hadespuppy.livejournal.com]

I'm going to have to agree with on this one; Kai is too strongly asssociated with male characters to be truly androgynous. Not that the name is particularly male, but I've just never seen it used by a female or an ambiguous character.
And of course I would like to be added to this filter-thingy. I'm always interested to know what's going on inside your head.

[wilde_stallyn.livejournal.com]

Hmm, this seems related to what sort of geekness one participates in...

I'm ok with it being read as more male, as long as it doesn't seem weird for a female. I'm sort of leaning towards Kai as being easier to get used to responding to. Meaghan has called me Kay for years, but that for me is coded fairly female, so hence Kai.

[hadespuppy.livejournal.com]

Well, in that case, I do like Kai. For some reason I think it suits you better than Shey.

[thegiantkiller.livejournal.com]

Seconded.

[iholdwater.livejournal.com]

I like Kai! Its really a unique name. Also, of course, I want to be a part of your filter. I hope you know you always have my support.

[skylar-inari.livejournal.com]

I wonder what a filtered thought would taste like? *muses on this* I don't much like filtered water though...

But yes, I would like to read your unfiltered thoughts.

And Kai, well, it's very manly to me. But then, I can come up with a good... four characters in various fandom's with that name. Shey is much more neutral, in my mind.

*glomp*

[thegiantkiller.livejournal.com]

What do regular thoughts taste like? Can you tell the difference between regular and decaf?

[wilde_stallyn.livejournal.com]

How does one decaffeinate a thought? I was unaware thoughts contained caffeine.

[thegiantkiller.livejournal.com]

I don't really know how decaffeination would be achieved, but they can definitely be caffeinated.

[thegiantkiller.livejournal.com]

I'd like access to the filtered posts, just because that's exactly the strength of livejournal for interpersonal connection by getting inside people's heads and barriers.
As for names, I have a more positive auditory response to "Kai" (I'm interpreting it as (X-SAMPA) kaI rather than ke). I do associate it more with male characters/real people, but as you said, that's appropriate in context.

[hadespuppy.livejournal.com]

linguistic geek

[wilde_stallyn.livejournal.com]

I have no idea what your linguistic symbols mean (even after looking at the Wiki link), but it's pronounced K-"eye", like the guy from Lexx, which is where I stole the spelling from.

[thegiantkiller.livejournal.com]

That's what I thought. The other alternative would have been more like "kay", but instead of just writing that I got nerdy.

I like Kai...

[verdenia.livejournal.com]

only Kai I've ever known was a dog... ;S

But I don't think of it as a gendered name.

I love reading about gender identity and issues and genderfucking and genderqueer, so please, I would love to be added!

I came over from the kinkathon fic for redpiratemel, btw.

*friends you*